Even though I have always been much more concerned with writing and history, math is one of those subjects that I still greatly appreciate having in the mix of liberal arts. Despite all of the obvious reasons why math is helpful and convenient, the reason I find it so reassuring is because there is a certain order that will always produce a certain result. You can always add 1 + 1 and get 2. You can always subtract 1 from 2 and get back 1 whole number. There is a consistency about it that's comforting and delightful.
That being said, let me shed some light on why I bring math up at all. It's because in the infinite number of people that will walk the planet and find that they cannot live without a certain person, only some will add 1 + 1 = 2 whole people. Only some will subtract 1 from 2 and be left with 1 whole person. The constant wave of interactions between those we love, wish to love, and will never love leaves me nauseous with seasickness and pining for a formula that will keep me whole amidst all the shuffling around.
The adding and taking away of people in my life is beginning to wear on me. It is never the case, that when you add a new person to your life you have two whole people. It's more commonly the case that you have just added a skewed fraction of a person to your fraction of a self, leaving you with a sorry excuse for 2. Regardless of how I try to hold onto the pieces to keep myself whole, some are taken away forever and no matter how hard I try to fit new ones in, they never fit.
I know there is no use in crying over the mangled fraction that I am, but sometimes I feel like there's no alternative. I feel like a helpless child with a two piece puzzle and no way of figuring it out. Don't worry, I will not give up hope. I believe there are people out there that still see the beauty in simple math and will adjust as necessary to fit. I have those people in my friends; I have them in my family. For a person who tries so desperately to see the light in everything, I feel so in the dark right now when it comes to finding a true companion though. I feel like no one wants to be a part of my puzzle.
Time. Patience. And remember that sometimes a puzzle is meant to challenge...if we rush and try to put the wrong piece in the wrong place the picture is out of focus. Adding and subtracting people from our lives...I've learned that it is a constant..sometimes we make the choice, sometimes the other person makes the choice and sometimes God makes that choice.
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